Don't
by God and the Fox
Summary: He only wanted what was best for her, and now it was too late.


They had already entered the Academy the first time he kissed her. His dry, chapped lips pressed to hers and for a moment, she stood still in shock. Then she pushed him away. Her arms still against his chest, she drew a raspy breath. "Don't." He looked back at her calmly, expression blank, without the fake smile – never the smile for Ran, unless it was a real one. He took her wrists in his hands and gently brought her arms back to her side. She didn't elaborate, didn't explain, but she didn't have to. There had been too many men already, desperate for her beauty, their hands all over her and sake on their breath. Gin gave the slightest of nods and stepped back from her, telling her he'd see her next period.

They grew up, but not apart. He would come to her door just on the wrong side of drunk sometimes and he would smile at her, the real smile, her smile. He told her what she meant to him, his beautiful Ran. She closed her eyes and her breath caught, but the answer was always the same. "Don't." And he never pushed. He never tried to take what she couldn't give. He held her and loved her and laughed with her, but never any more than what she wanted. But on those nights when he came to her – he meant every word.

Time passed and plans were made in the way he knew they had to be. If he couldn't save her, he could at least make the world a better place for her to live in. Soul Society was so corrupt, so cruel, and he couldn't stand her having to be in that. If he had to ally himself with Aizen in order to make the change, then so be it. Soul Society had never really had his loyalty anyway; that had only ever been for Ran. He knew what he had to do, but sometimes, he wondered. He though of the cold halls of Las Noches and sometimes he would weep at the thought of being so far from her. He thought that when he left, his soul might be cut in two, never to be made whole again. Nights like those, he wondered if it was really worth it – if he could really leave her alone. But then he had to wonder if she would even care at all. He could never know for sure. The tears would well up in his eyes and he would berate himself silently. "Don't." He went anyway.

And on that day he regretted it just long enough to see the tears brimming in her eyes. She pressed her sword against his throat (too lightly, she never would have cut), and he viciously fought down the urge to turn around and kiss her. This might be his last chance, and something clenched in his chest at the thought that he was going to waste it. He stayed put. He wanted to remember her smile. He didn't want that to be her last word. "Don't."

Even then, in those moments before he rose into the sky, he gave her his real smile. He told her the truth, the one thing that he wanted to say – that he wished he could stay with her longer. He had never really tried to hide it. He kept a straight face as he said his goodbye. As he ascended, he turned away from her, and didn't see her mouth a single word. "Don't."

When the battle came, she bit back her tears and faced him down. Standing on a rooftop, she tried to ask, tried to form the words, but they wouldn't come. He had tried to protect her, he really had. Looking into her eyes now, he knew that he had failed. What good was a new world when she felt this kind of pain? In that moment, Gin hated himself more than he ever had before. But it was too late. There was nothing he could do but finish this and hope to give her at least some peace. He went to finish what he started. She tried to follow him, and he only half turned to say "Don't."

And then, he was dying. He was on the ground and so dizzy, but he could see her outline above him. He tried to smile, just for her, but he could only frown when he saw her tears. All his life, he had wanted only her. All his life, he had fought against himself and everyone around him, because all that had mattered was her. He only ever wanted to do what was best for her. He knew this feeling. He was fading way too fast. The War wasn't won, the world wasn't safe and perfect for her, and yet, he was dying. His vision was fuzzy at the edges. At least, he thought, she would be the last thing he would ever see. His beautiful Ran. He smiled, his last real smile. She leaned down and pressed her lips to his. She started to speak, to say those words, the ones he didn't want to hear, couldn't stand, not now. He closed his eyes for the last time, with only one thought.

"Don't."


End file.
